Part 1 — Bibliography and Annotations:
Bell, David E. “Regret in Decision Making under Uncertainty.” Operations Research, vol. 30, no. 5, 1 Oct. 1982, pp. 961–981, https://doi.org/10.1287/opre.30.5.961.
Brown, Brené. “A Ministry of Presence.” Brené Brown, 11 July 2023, brenebrown.com/articles/2017/09/07/braving-the-wilderness-excerpt/.
Brené Brown is one of my favorite authors. I discovered her work during a time of my life I was, as Dr. Brown would say, “face-down in life’s arena.” Brown is a social worker and renowned author. While exploring grief, regret, and gratitude, I came across an excerpt from her book Braving the Wilderness. In her researched. Brown discovered an interesting link between trust and funerals. When our friends, family, and colleagues attend funerals for our loved ones, we trust them more. She writes, “the collective pain (and sometimes joy) we experience when gathering in any way to celebrate the end of a life is perhaps one of the most powerful experiences of inextricable connection. Death, loss, and grief are the great equalizers.” A weakness in this piece is it doesn’t offer readers a deeper dive into Brown’s research. I was left wanting more, desiring a better understanding of the role of trust and collective pain in delivering someone out of their grief.
Buckley, Kelly. “How Grieving with Gratitude Saved Me.” HuffPost, HuffPost, 23 Feb. 2017, www.huffpost.com/entry/how-grieving-with-gratitude-saved-me_b_9282144.
Kelly Buckley’s life was upended by her son Stephen’s death. In the depths of her grief, she begged for a path forward. “Grieving with gratitude was the answer I (she) received.” Grieving with gratitude, Buckley explains, began with a pact she made with her son Brendan. The two decided they would write a gratitude list of “one little thing” each day. Buckley describes how, over time, she readily noticed more blessings in her life. Practicing gratitude did not remove the pain of her loss, but it did minimize her suffering. Buckley has amassed an online following of over 100,000 followers. She also created a Facebook group that includes members from more than 50 different countries who speak upwards of 40 languages. Buckley created an ongoing community to experience collective grief, as well as collective joy. This text inspired me to continue viewing life’s challenges with a wide enough lens to see their silver linings.
Burzynska-Tatjewska, Bozena, and Maciej Stolarski. “Leaving Past Adversities Behind: Gratitude Intervention Compensates for the Undesirable Effects of Past Time Perspectives on Negative Affect.” International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, vol. 19, no. 19, 10 Oct. 2022, p. 12964, https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph191912964.
Carr, David. “From Gratitude to Lamentation: On the Moral and Psychological Economy Gift, Gain and Loss.” Journal for the Theory of Social Behaviour, vol. 46, no. 1, 29 Oct. 2014, pp. 41–59, https://doi.org/10.1111/jtsb.12077.
Didion, Joan. The Year of Magical Thinking. 1st large printed. New York, Random House Large Print, 2008.
In this memoir, Didion grieves her husband’s death. She writes both to understand and overcome her acute heartache. Her authentic account of mourning and complicated grief is profoundly brave. When reading The Year of Magical Thinking, I was moved to tears on multiple occasions. A feature of grief that makes it so persistent is its omnipresence. Yet, as Didion writes, mourners are expected to overcome grief. This book first introduced me to the idea of complicated grief. Normal and complicated grief differ in duration length—complicated grief lingers for six months or a year after a loss. Grief is a widely misunderstood and unexplored emotion. I primarily learn about negative emotions through memoirs. Authors who vulnerably share their experiences spark empathy in their readers. This empathy can one day help readers when they undergo grief in their own lives. It is possible that knowing others’ stories—knowing that we are not alone—can help lessen feelings of isolation associated with grief. Finally, I appreciate Didion’s encouragement to cherish life. “Life changes in the instant. The ordinary instant.”
Doyle, Glennon. “Why You Should Never Underestimate the Importance of Just Showing Up.” Oprah.Com, Oprah.com, 12 July 2017, www.oprah.com/inspiration/glennon-doyle-the-secret-of-life-is-simply-showing-up.
Glennon Doyle has a magnificent talent for writing about grief. Her book Untamed remains one of my all-time favorites. In this piece, she compels readers to simply show up for their loved ones. Doyle echoes the sentiment of Dr. Brown, and encourages gathering in times of pain. She beautifully discusses the push-and-pull of celebrating life and grieving the loss of it. I love reading her work because it nudges me to continue paying deep attention to life, even when it causes me to feel life’s lows more intensely. It is imperative that we show up for others in their joy and in their grief, because it helps us process our continuous experiences with both emotions.
Elfers, John, et al. “Resilience and Loss: The Correlation of Grief and Gratitude.” International Journal of Applied Positive Psychology, 22 Sept. 2023, https://doi.org/10.1007/s41042-023-00126-1.
I suspected there might be a connection between grief and gratitude, but I lacked any hard evidence to support my claim. In this journal, Elfers et al explore the correlation of grief and gratitude. Grief and gratitude both utilize all levels of human functioning: physical, cognitive, emotional, relational, and spiritual. This study focuses on the relationship between grief, gratitude, and resilience. In their findings, Elfers et al describe gratitude as, “a bridge between the challenging emotions of grief and the prosocial orientation of self-transcendence.” The technical nature of this piece prevents it from reaching a wider audience, but these findings are truly ground-breaking. These findings, however, must be reproduced before we can assume causality between transcendent gratitude and resilience in processing grief. A longitudinal study examining transcendent gratitude, grief, and resilience could offer more conclusive results
Kecmanovic, Jelena. "How to Deal with Regret and Forgive Yourself for Imperfect Decisions." Washington Post, 7 July 2021, p. NA. Gale Health and Wellness, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A667691002/HWRC?u=usocal_main&sid=bookmark-HWRC&xid=62099a5c. Accessed 4 Oct. 2023.
Dr. Kecmanovic is an adjunct professor of psychology at Georgetown University and founder of the Arlington/DC Behavior Therapy Institute. In this newspaper article, Kecmanovic writes about regret specifically pertaining to the Covid-19 pandemic. She writes about regret’s propensity to spiral into feelings of shame, anger, and depression. High levels of regret have demonstrated a positive relationship with “depression, anxiety, and worse sleep and problem solving,” she writes. Kecmanovic continues to write about acceptance and self-compassion, tying in the themes shown in my examinations of gratitude, regret, and grief. She warns against rumination and shame. Instead of spiraling in shame, she encourages practicing self-compassion, which is related to action and learning from our regrets. I would have enjoyed some more personal anecdotes in this article, but I found it very well written and informative.
King, Laura A., and Joshua A. Hicks. “Whatever Happened to ‘What Might Have Been’? Regrets, Happiness, and Maturity.” American Psychologist, vol. 62, no. 7, Oct. 2007, pp. 625–636, https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066x.62.7.625.
In this interesting article, researchers King and Hicks explore the redeeming qualities of regret. I was surprised by how the pair accomplished their analysis. King and Hicks polled participants who had experienced significant life changes—divorced after 20+ years of marriage, parents of children with Down Syndrome (DS), LGBTQ+ individuals—and analyzed their senses of self. The study is written with an academic audience in mind, but its results are fascinating. The participants who invested in their current goals—whose “current best possible selves” were aligned with their current selves—reported higher rates of well-being. Participants who failed to dis-identify with lost possible selves reported lower rates of well-being. Upon reading this study, I am even more intrigued about the relationship(s) between grief, regret, gratitude, and acceptance.
Knowledge at Wharton Staff. “What to Do When Life Hands You ‘Option B.’” Knowledge at Wharton, 31 May 2017, knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article/what-to-do-when-life-hands-you-option-b/.
Some people do not live life with a Plan B. I typically have Plans A-F laid out in my mind, as it helps manage my “well, what if…?” anxiety. This article discusses Adam Grant and Sheryl Sandberg’s book Option B. The pair wrote this book after Sandberg’s husband’s sudden death. I had stumbled upon this book before and was curious to learn more. Critically, Adam Grant defines resiliency as a muscle. While Sandberg was grappling with her grief, Grant offered her a way of building resiliency. There are 3 P’s that “hold back healing”: personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence. This systematic approach provides a sense of control to grieving individuals. There are steps that can be taken to mitigate the presence of grief, especially preventing normal grief from teetering into complicated/pathological grief. Furthermore, I appreciate the efforts made by Sandberg to address the role of privilege in building resiliency to trauma, as it involves an issue of access. This piece was very well written, with a great use of multi-media to complement the reading experience.
Luan, Mo, et al. “Gratitude Reduces Regret: The Mediating Role of Temporal Focus.” Journal of Happiness Studies, vol. 24, no. 1, 20 Oct. 2022, pp. 1–15, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-022-00597-0.
Nicuță, Elena Gabriela, and Ticu Constantin. “Take nothing for granted: Downward social comparison and Counterfactual Thinking Increase Adolescents’ state gratitude for the little things in life.” Journal of Happiness Studies, vol. 22, no. 8, 25 Mar. 2021, pp. 3543–3570, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-021-00382-5.
Owens, Zibby. Bookends: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Literature. Little A, 2022.
Zibby Owens wrote a deeply moving memoir, detailing her life through books she’s loved, and loved ones she’s lost. This book is a bold representation of what Dr. Brown would call “owning your story.” Owens recounts her life, with a special tribute to her best friend who was tragically killed on 9/11. Reading about her experiences with grief and depression made me wonder how grief transitions from normal grief to pathological grief. Like Didion, Owens ruthlessly speaks of the difficulty with which she navigates loss. I deeply enjoyed this book and the vulnerability Owens displayed. It was honest and compelling.
Sawhney, Vasundhara. “It’s Time to Make Peace with Your Regrets.” Harvard Business Review, 11 Oct. 2021, hbr.org/2021/06/its-time-to-make-peace-with-your-regrets.
This article concisely offers readers tips on how to put an end to their regrets. Sawhney wrote this piece during the pandemic, a time I’m sure many associate with far too much time alone with their thoughts. I enjoyed how Sawhney constructed this article visually, with definitions and variations in text size. I appreciate her vulnerability at the opening of her piece, but I wish Sawhney included a personal reflection after the interview as well. While I am interested in logistical tips for managing regret, I (as a reader) am often most interested in getting to know the author.
Shi, Crystal. “Turning Grief Into a Celebration of Gratitude.” The Epoch Times, 17 Nov. 2021, pp. D1–D2. Alt-PressWatch, Accessed 5 Oct. 2023.
When a Connecticut family suffered a sudden loss, they responded by turning to gratitude. Peter Isacs loved Thanksgiving so dearly that, upon his death, his wife Nadine and sons PK and Christopher decided to write a book about the holiday. While this response was not immediate, the Isacs family came together in their time of loss and celebrated the life of their husband and father. This beautiful tribute also represents findings in the journals I read about grief and gratitude. It is possible that the Isacs family transcended some of their grief by celebrating the life of their father, and their family’s favorite holiday. As Nadine said, “"It's been a great project for us to [pay] tribute to my husband, but also channel our grief and do something positive." I would love to have read more about how gratitude has continued to help the Isacs navigate their grief.
Stroebe, Margaret, et al. “Guilt in Bereavement: The Role of Self-blame and Regret in Coping with Loss.” PLoS ONE, vol. 9, no. 5, 12 May 2014, https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0096606.
This article did not offer significant results regarding how self-blame and regret affect our ability to cope with loss. I was surprised that there was not more of a correlation between self-blame and negative coping, or regret and negative coping. I found it interesting that guilt, in this experiment, was separated into distinct emotional experiences of self-blame and regret. I would not think to distinguish my feelings of guilt into either self-blame or regret, but this study suggests the importance of further examining my emotions. It is possible that feelings of self-blame and regret, specifically pertaining to bereavement, may experience diminishing returns. This provides a difficult task for scientists looking to study the effects of guilt in bereavement over time.
Tzini, Konstantina, and Kriti Jain. “The Role of Anticipated Regret in Advice Taking.” Journal of Behavioral Decision Making, vol. 31, no. 1, 20 Sept. 2017, pp. 74–86, https://doi.org/10.1002/bdm.2048.
Voci, Alberto, et al. “Relating Mindfulness, Heartfulness, and Psychological well-being: The Role of Self-Compassion and Gratitude.” Mindfulness, vol. 10, no. 2, 19 June 2018, pp. 339–351, https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-018-0978-0.
Wooding, Chelsea B., and Raymond F. Prior. “No Regrets: Former Collegiate Student-Athletes’ Reflections on Regret.” Journal of Applied Sport Psychology, vol. 35, no. 2, 17 Oct. 2021, pp. 136–154, https://doi.org/10.1080/10413200.2021.1995911.
Part 2 — Expanding my Frontier of Knowledge
Prior to completing this assignment, I had tidbits of knowledge regarding a possible relationship between grief and gratitude. As I began collecting sources, I researched regret, grief, and gratitude. Since this paper’s conception, I feel like I’ve held up a magnifying glass to my life, seeing where each emotion creeps into my day. Especially as a senior in college, I have been wrestling with questions regarding the meaning of life, purpose, and success. I practice gratitude often, as it helps me manage anxiety and promotes a sense of peace in my days. I shy away from grief more, but I have been curious about grief since I was a child. My little brother has severe Autism, and I have found that the grief associated with his diagnosis ripples throughout my life. It appears differently as I get older. Finding acceptance and gratitude for my life, in its messiness and imperfection, has improved my well-being immensely. I was wondering if research would support this personal finding.
I was expecting that I would find a clear correlation between gratitude promoting resiliency to grief. I thought regret would have a negative relationship with resiliency to grief. As I dove into my research, it was not so black and white (shockingly, I know). Instead, I discovered that there are complicated definitions for grief, gratitude, regret, and every human emotion for that matter. These findings excite me!
An aspect of this project that I’ve enjoyed is it’s challenged me to re-examine my own assumptions. Arrogantly, I figured my intuitive understanding of these complicated emotions would agree with the research literature. If only it were that simple.
My key takeaways from this period of data collection are:
Grief is an integral part of the human experience.
Human connection is crucial to mitigating complicated grief and its risks of depression.
Gratitude can help us transcend ourselves and our own painful experiences. This transcendence can allow us to get perspective of our grief and increase our resiliency.
Regret gets a bad rep. With the right mindset, we can use our regrets to inform how we will live differently in the future.
Acceptance is critical to well-being.
Self-Compassion needs a publicist. It is the key to overcoming our failures and pursuing our goals.
Moving forward, I am excited to continue learning about the intersections of grief, regret, and gratitude. I picture myself honing in on regret and helping clear its name. By focusing on regret, I can tie in various emotions I have researched and included in this annotated bibliography and reflection. In order to capture the various facets of regret, I envision writing a personal essay and/or conducting interviews with loved ones about their regrets. I am motivated to use that medium of writing because I found myself most enjoying authors’ personal reflections. While the scientific journals I read were fascinating, they fail to reach wider audiences because they lack narrative, vulnerability, and emotion.
Taking this idea even further, I am inspired by the idea of creating a series on regret, perhaps with short video interviews or audio clips. Hearing and seeing people navigate the sticky and uncomfortable emotion could evoke empathy in viewers and listeners. Empathy is linked to action as well. It is possible that by providing people with stories of regret that they can connect with, they might be moved to act in manners that prevent them from living with the same regrets. I am excited to see where WP3 takes this vision!